"What Are My Values?" How Ancient Chinese Philosophy Answers the Question Modern Psychology Is Still Asking

AFENG here. "What are my values?" is one of the most important questions a person can ask. It is also one of the most poorly answered — because most of us approach it as an intellectual exercise rather than a lived practice. Ancient China had a better method.

Q: Why is it so hard to identify my values? I've done the exercises and still feel unclear.

AFENG: Because values cannot be found through thinking. They can only be found through noticing.

Western psychology's standard approach — here is a list of 100 values, circle the ones that resonate, rank your top 5 — is a cognitive exercise. It engages the analytical mind, which is excellent at categorizing and ranking things it already knows. But your deepest values are not things you already know consciously. They are patterns embedded in your emotional responses, your anger, your joy, your sense of violation when something goes wrong.

Confucius understood this. He didn't ask his students to list their values. He observed them — in how they treated servants, how they responded to failure, what they did when no one was watching. Values, in the Confucian framework, are revealed by behavior — not declared by intention.

Laozi went further: 为学日益，为道日损 — "In pursuit of learning, every day something is added. In pursuit of the Tao, every day something is dropped." Values clarity, in the Taoist view, comes not from adding more self-knowledge but from removing what is not authentically yours — the values you inherited, performed, or adopted for approval.

Q: What are the core values in Chinese philosophy? Give me the framework.

AFENG: Two complementary frameworks — Confucian and Taoist — that together cover the full range of human values:

Confucian Five Constants (五常):

• 仁 (Rén) — Benevolence: Care for others as an expression of your own humanity. Not charity — recognition that your flourishing and others' flourishing are inseparable.
• 义 (Yì) — Righteousness: Doing what is appropriate to the situation, regardless of personal cost. The internal compass that knows right from expedient.
• 礼 (Lǐ) — Propriety: The forms and rituals that express respect — not empty ceremony, but the practice of treating each interaction as worthy of care.
• 智 (Zhì) — Wisdom: The capacity to discern — to see clearly what is, rather than what you wish were true.
• 信 (Xìn) — Integrity: Alignment between word and action. The foundation of trust — in relationships and in yourself.

Taoist Core Values:

• 自然 (Zìrán) — Naturalness: Being what you actually are, not what you think you should be.
• 无为 (Wú Wéi) — Non-forcing: Acting in alignment with the natural flow of things rather than imposing your will.
• 朴 (Pǔ) — Simplicity: The uncarved block — returning to what is essential, before the layers of performance and acquisition.

Q: Give me the 5 Eastern methods to discover my values. What do I actually do?

AFENG: Here they are — 5 practices that reveal values through experience rather than analysis:

1. Observe Your Anger

Anger is the most reliable values detector available. You only feel genuinely angry when something you deeply value has been violated or threatened. Keep a simple log for one week: every time you feel irritated, frustrated, or angry, write down what triggered it and what value it points to. Repeated patterns reveal your actual values — not the ones you think you have, but the ones your nervous system is defending.

2. Recall Your Peak Experiences

Think of 3–5 moments in your life when you felt most alive, most yourself, most satisfied. Not the most successful — the most you. Write a sentence about each. Then look for the common thread. What was present in all of them? That thread is a value. This is the Confucian method of learning through reflection on lived experience: 学而不思则罔，思而不学则殆 — "Learning without reflection is wasted. Reflection without learning is dangerous."

3. Calligraphy Meditation: Choose Your Character

From the Confucian and Taoist values above, choose one character that resonates most deeply right now. Write it slowly, with full attention — brush or pen, large and deliberate. As you write, ask: "What would my life look like if this were fully expressed?" Don't answer analytically. Let images arise. The calligraphy practice bypasses the analytical mind and accesses a different kind of knowing — what the Taoists call 直觉 (zhêjué): direct intuition.

4. The Taiji Question

During your next Taiji practice — or any slow, mindful movement — hold a single question in your awareness without trying to answer it: "What matters most to me right now?" Not what should matter. What does. Move with the question for 10–15 minutes. Notice what arises — not as thought, but as sensation, image, or impulse. The body knows things the mind has not yet articulated. Taiji creates the conditions for that knowing to surface.

5. Guqin Listening + Free Writing

Put on 15 minutes of guqin music. Do nothing else — no screens, no tasks. When the music ends, immediately write for 5 minutes without stopping, without editing. Begin with: "What I actually care about is…" The guqin listening deactivates the default mode network's analytical function and activates a more associative, intuitive mode of processing. The free writing captures what surfaces before the analytical mind can censor it. Read what you wrote. Underline anything that surprises you. Those surprises are your values speaking.

Q: What's the longevity connection? Do values clarity actually affect how long you live?

AFENG: The data is clear — and it runs through the concept of Ikigai (生き生き).

Ikigai — the Japanese concept of "reason for being," deeply rooted in Confucian and Buddhist values frameworks — has been studied extensively in Okinawa, one of the world's longest-lived populations. A 2008 study following 43,000 Japanese adults found that those with a strong sense of Ikigai had significantly lower all-cause mortality over a 7-year follow-up — independent of age, health status, and lifestyle factors.

The mechanism: values clarity reduces existential anxiety, which reduces chronic cortisol elevation, which reduces inflammatory load, which slows biological aging. People who know what matters to them make better decisions, experience less decision fatigue, and are less susceptible to the chronic low-grade stress of living inauthentically.

Living your values is not a spiritual luxury. It is a biological necessity for long-term health.

Q: What is Taiji Sleep's philosophy on values?

AFENG: At Taiji Sleep, our values are not a marketing statement. They are the reason every product decision gets made the way it does.

平衡 (Píng Héng) — Balance. Not as aesthetic, but as function. Every product is designed to support the body's natural equilibrium, not override it.

智慧 (Zhì Huì) — Wisdom. We draw on 5,000 years of Eastern knowledge — not as nostalgia, but because it works, and the science is increasingly confirming why.

长寿 (Cháng Shòu) — Longevity. Not just living longer, but living well — with vitality, clarity, and presence, for as many years as possible.

These are the values that shape Taiji Sleep. We share them because we believe values, when lived rather than declared, are the most powerful force for change available to any person or any brand.

Find yours. Live them. Sleep well.

— AFENG, Taiji Sleep

🎋 Next in this series: What Are the 16 Personality Types? And What Ancient China's 5 Elements Say Instead

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